The Onion tweeted some concerning news this past week about the earth’s cow population. The accompanying article highlights are found below. On the positive side, beef and dairy farmers should have some demand side help with beef and dairy prices.
— The Onion (@TheOnion) April 5, 2018
WASHINGTON—In a deeply disturbing finding that has sent shockwaves throughout the nation and the world, officials from the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service confirmed Thursday that cows have gone extinct.
After fielding numerous questions from the public about where all the cows had gone, the federal agency reportedly conducted an in-depth survey of dairy farms, cattle ranches, and open pasture land across six continents, eventually concluding that not a single member of the domesticated ungulate species remains anywhere on the planet.
“There are no more cows,” Fish and Wildlife Service acting director Greg Sheehan said of the livestock animals whose unexpected extinction has wiped out entire swaths of the world economy—from the beef and dairy industry to manufacturers of leather goods—leaving tens of millions of workers without jobs. “We just sort of assumed the world had plenty of cows, and if you had asked me even a couple months ago how the cows were doing, I would have said they were doing great and not given it a second thought.”
“We didn’t even notice the cows were going extinct, and now they’re gone forever,” he added.
The cause of the extinction isn’t known at this time. At Ag Nook we were concerned about ensuring farmers were aware that certain vitamins are essential for a healthy herd. It may be that we passed this critical story along a touch late.
Editor’s note: If you aren’t familiar with The Onion it is a news satire organization.
Image Courtesy The Onion